I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
