I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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