we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
