That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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