You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
