i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
