im drinking this country out of the recession.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
