I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
