Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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