my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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