I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
