Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize