go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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