I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
