We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
