her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
