I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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