I just made out with a guy for $7.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
