So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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