I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
