Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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