Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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