Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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