found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
