Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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