i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
