mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
