Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
