I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
