Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
