I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
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