Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
