I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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