turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
