i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
