OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
