i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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