I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
