Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
