Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
