Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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