whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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