Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
