Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
