So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
