I want to have your abortion
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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