call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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