Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
