You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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