Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We named our party play list daddy issues
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize