I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
