According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
