Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
