I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
