I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
