When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
