If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
