maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found puke in my bra..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
