she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
