It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
