our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
