That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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