have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
