a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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