I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
