who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
