fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did I show you my penis last night?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
