Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just high enough for therapy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
