mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
