Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
