i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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