All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
my poor anus
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
