You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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